mercury

i am sad and lonely.
i drink too much.
i sleep too little.
i day  dream of happier times.
i want to be seventeen again.
i want my sugar, painted, falsified past.

Basically-
I eat too much.
Smoke the cigs.
Have replaced my blood with wine.
Hate the job.
Miss the boy.
Love the new friend.
Long for sleep.
and chill with my cat.

I paint sometimes too :)

I've been much more enthusiastic about the people around here as well. I have a pretty solid group of people that I can talk to and kind of forget that I am here off in the woods. For example last night I had an amazing with  the afore mentioned Aussi-bound-boy at a restaurant called Peter Haven's in Vermont. It was the epitome of relaxation and splendor. The atmosphere is alarmingly chic for this area and it is filled with beautiful artwork. The owners are these two very nice gay men, one of which came over and introduced himself and chatted for a bit. He made little references to the fact the my friend and I look like we're twelve- referring to our San Pelligrino as white wine and asking my friend what he was going to be when he grows up. Entirely engaging and so enthusiastic about our future plans. He gushed about all the artwork which are actually reproductions of famous pieces that an artist friend of theirs did and encouraged me to bring my portfolio in to the bar so he could see it. 
I will most certainly be back.

well. yes. mmm. yes. good.

So I lounge here in my bed, in the room at the top of the stairs- watching the first season of Dexter. Which seems sad. but really. I am inspired and enjoying my bliss even if it only comes in momentary glimpses. But there really is no reason it shouldn't last longer. The far off boy is teaching me that.

I need something to distract me- unfortunately there is nothing here. Nothing, and Paris is all but dead.

the end.

1. Learn French.
2. Become knowledgable about wine.
3. Read the classics.

To learn french has been a quest of mine my entire life. Being french it seems essential that I should have a grasp of the language and now I have a connection in Paris so it is even more essential.
Likewise I have always wanted to know about wine and with my twenty-first birthday fast approaching it only makes sense that I would become educated in what is worth buying, because if you think I am drinking beer you are so wrong.
Reading the classics is a ridiculously vague description considering there is no specific list of what the classics are, thank god that would be entirely too limiting. It merely is there to show my desire to be better read. It is just foolish that I have never read Emerson, or Hawthorne, Dickinson, etc etc. It needs to be done.

Somewhere in there is improving my artistic abilities and my knowledge of art history but really that should be a given.

I need coffee. or tea. or an I.V. set up pumping espresso directly into my veins.

Its Wednesday. My day off. I am holed up in my room per usual. Waiting for a doctors appointment (my first in 5 months yay for having insurance again!!) and for all the plans I made. I'm working on having a life again, its hard when one has become so comfortable being alone. "I tried to live alone but lonely is so lonely alone" oh Mika how terribly right you are.

I thought I had more to say. My job is monotonous. I'm afraid I'm dying. On the verge of finishing "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers. Its kind of monotonous as well. 

I miss my fagott *pout*

However, despite the obvious issues going on in those two statements I did manage to get some sort of validation when my high school art teacher came into Borders, congratulated me for getting into Parsons and then mentioned it was her first choice when she went to school.

Oh yes. I rock. Am minorly content. I just wish I hadn't fallen for someone I can barely communicate with, because really.. thats just sad. 

I'll just take comfort in Backstreet Boys, Nirvana, and whatever else Itunes throws at me.

I got into Parsons.




I rock.